Blog vs. Blog

Seeing you this morning felt right. It was very good to be able to look you in the eyes, which I avoid usually with you because you have said it makes you uncomfortable. It is too bad. I think it is related to many of the larger problems because I used to be able to do it. Perhaps I ruined it with my outbursts. Another thing, I just have always been kind of used to people always agreeing with me and doing what I want either out of fear or desire. When you don't do that it sets me off. And then it confounds me. But then I continue to respect you and not look at you like a weak little worm, so there you go.

I think there is this: certain levels of intimacy are easy. Quick because they have been experienced x amount of times before. Through more relationships, more levels are ideally reached. The first time I talked about my dad to anyone I thought I'd drop dead. I told K. After I told him I could not really look him in the eye as easily as I could before. What he knew held some sort of power over me. I was hesitant to speak of it again.

I had a good talk with __x and I have smoothed some things over using insider knowledge. Work with the problem, not against it. I am on a mission there.

So you have a blog now but yours is, as we discussed, for everyone. Mine is for us. It is secret, I suppose. As secret as anonymous can be.

Your blog is for everyone and so things that are emotionally important in your life, like your illnesses and your relationships are shadows that are hinted at by jokes or photos. A certain level of intimacy...