Flying Over It.

Wake up at 22:30. I had fallen asleep sitting up (to lesson the pounding heart) after taking my medication plus a couple extra things. Now my heart is pounding so much, I’m hot and I can’t breathe. I have never, ever had anything as bad as this. I feel like, since I tried to figure out why I got these heart pounding problems in the morning it has spread and worsened and, even though I am making progress, I don’t care because I just want it to STOP.

Why. Why is my body doing this to me. Moving is hard. All this change is harder. So my body is rebelling. Everything is going to work out. Help is at hand, you are coming. But still my heart and chest shake and now it hurts.

Watching One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest. There is nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong. Lobotomy.

Reading about other people with anxiety who have heart pounding and take sleeping pills to fall asleep with it and then they wake up because the sleeping pill effect has worn off.
They live like this for years.

I can’t. I absolutely can’t live like this for very much longer.