Continuities

Think back to the times when your feet tingled and all your muscles tensed from cold.

That is how it is where I am living. It is probably my white trash inheritance but I adore, I worship, my electric fireplace. I find it more beautiful than any real fire I have seen. So predictable and, above all, so dustfree clean.

For some reason, and for the first time in my life, my hands are disintegrating. Disappearing inside a blistering, peeling, itchy and cracked carapace. It started on my right (unringed) ring finger but is, despite my best efforts, spreading. I always had so much pride in my hands and especially my long fingers. So delicate and able. Now they defy me.

I am supposed to go to a birthday party but I won’t.
Met some people today who thought I was there age but I am not.
My tiny dog is reacting to me quite differently - with more affection and warmth - which is yet more proof towards shorting out the repetitious belief that I can never change when perhaps I already have.