Where am I: Chronic Pain

Since I have slept most of the weekend I thought I would go out to get fruit. So I don’t know if it was that, the pills I am on for the chronic pain in my back or just too much sleep. But I am having a fracture with reality.

I woke up a few hours ago with amnesia. I did not know who I was, where I was or what I was supposed to be doing. It lasted for about five minutes. Not long enough to matter.

But then, when I stepped outside I felt like I was glowing. Like there was light being thrown off of me that made other people uncomfortable. At the store I had to rest for a moment when the pain in my back took my breath away. That was when I burned brightest.

I have this terrible feeling that this is it. That this pain is what will be part of my life because I have had so long to know it was coming. Just for going out, even with the pills, it is hard to not just think about pain. I can’t sit, write or use my right arm with out screams of protest from the nerves in my spine.

It has a rhythm, the pain. The same as my heartbeat. If I don’t breath and just listen it has a hypnotizing effect.