trickle

I can’t trust anyone, I know that. And as he moves closer I have to move farther away because the plan must certainly be to destroy me. The only thing I know for sure is I have to protect myself and take care of myself. If I give any of that up, even a corner, I will regret it. Then punish myself for it.

The more depressed and silent he becomes the more certain I am that he is plotting against me, mapping out a way to take away what I have put in place for myself. All I can ever know is my own danger. That is the trap.

Everything feels entirely different. You came here and I left. I guess I wasn’t ready. I thought I was but I am not. I am not yet able to trust my judgement enough to be sure that in choosing you I chose wisely. I look at you and I see threat where before was safety. What hurts worse than anything is that you can’t stop it, you are too sick to step outside of my trap and remind me that you are not my enemy and so, in maintaining a nobigdeal veneer you become proof. I send, you send and we respond not at all correctly. We are crossed, things are shutting and closing at rates impossible to follow.